My angel planted her heart in my chest.

By: Rose Cervantes 

 

I have one parent.

One portal to learn love’s language.

 

You moved across love’s landscape and I followed.

I mimicked your wild dart to plant seeds in every dry patch, behind dumpsters,

Inside of cabinets, sprinkle seeds over grocery shopping carts.

When love is buried

It blooms.

I know this because you kept a shovel in your bag.

I know this because wherever you were, I wanted to be.

I know this because I keep a shovel too.

Uproot loneliness and replace it with compassion,

Water the roots, and watch a garden feed a village.

 

I can’t count the number of times you buried yourself

Right next to me.

I waited patiently for you to blossom

for them.

 

In my dictionary,

my first definition of love

Includes a picture of you and Ryan.

Tom and Jerry, sweet violence, plays on our TV on a  Saturday morning.

He didn’t know I was under the covers.

hiding when he swung that loaded gun

Bruising your right calf.

Pronounced like “don’t you ever fucking come this close to hurting my child”

Used in a sentence like “I love you sweet heart, and I will keep you safe”

Alternative explanation “I love you… but I don’t love myself”

 

I didn’t want to become you.

I wanted to be

With you.

I didn’t want to save you.

I wanted to love you.

 

My first boyfriend in high school lasted for 2 years and roughly 6 months

I ached with my heart before he made me ache with my face, my body.

I told myself I didn’t want to save him,

I wanted to love him. Turns out just like you,

Neither of us made it out in one piece.

Both of us wilting.

 

You taught me to be the knight instead of the damsel.

You taught me how to cradle someone's head in my lap even if my skin is crawling.

You taught me how to tattoo someone’s tragedy on my esophagus.

Sing their song to strangers. Sing their song to strangers.

Sing their song till my throat is raw and I am still smiling.

 

Heartache is love.

Love is heartache.

Does one always follow the other?

I follow your love blindly, still

Closely, religiously,

like you’re the angel and I’m the lost soul.