
It All Comes Out in the Wash
By: Rose Cervantes
The tone of hope and disappointment
belly flop onto my brain
when I hear your voice catapult between my ears
It all comes out in the wash
You say this
and the dark sinks its nails in
like a cat leaning into a good scratching post
The catalogue of catastrophe
the blaze of self blame
they meet in the middle of forgetting to call you back after the fifth time
and the time I skipped class because I was sad about another school shooting
and my professor took away my participation points
it all comes
Into the water the same
I have been known to inch on belly
fingertips reached away from my ears and my feet
towards the water
I’m still trying to clean these lies I whispered to myself
in the middle of
a sentence while you were talking
I drowned out your essence
because I wanted to practice on someone
before myself
It all comes out in the wash
the dirty dish orgy I host when I’m finally too depressed to forget what food web is growing in the sink
the stories I tell myself wrong on purpose
fill me with horror to keep the pain poignant
the joy I stole from your smile whenever you lit yourself on fire and still danced
I taught myself this tango in our backyard
I talk fast like you do so I run out of breath so I can stop running
the joy I know comes and goes
the way water flows closer and farther
from the shore
she never leaves
but she doesn’t stay
Mom it’s so miraculous
I can feel my feet with all this
flood
dark
from me
from mine
I can see myself still.